Rough Day

Hey Guys! I hope you all are having a great day in MommE and DaddE land. I must admit today was a rough one for me. Those of you who don't personally know me I will take this time to explain a little about my situation before I talk about how rough my day was. I currently have custody of my daughter not because of a judgement or court verdict but when her father and I split up she continued living with me. For many years I have wanted to move to Atlanta and in mid-2009 I thought it was the perfect time to do so. My father and stepmother agreed to let Jade and I live with them while I got myself together. They are both out of work and so it would have worked out great with the extra help. Someone to help take her back and forth to school, appointments, extracurricular activities etc.

I told Jade's dad in October what my plans were. I had spoke to other family members first to help set up visitation and many options for him to see his daughter. In fact my plan was to leave in December (when my lease was up) and leave Jade in NYC with my mom (who is retired). Jade's dad would be able to continue his regular visitation for the next month or two while I got both of us settled in Atlanta. At first he was perfectly fine with the idea. Especially when I explained my mom was willing to help as well as Jades godmother and my aunt who was willing to work out future visitation help as well. Then one day he asked me about child support and if I would drop the current agreement set up by the courts. I told him no she was his daughter in any state and 2 weeks later I was served with court papers for joint custody and a stop on moving our daughter to another state.

We are currently going back and forth to court to settle this matter.

Today I saw a job that I really would love to apply for in Atlanta. It was a position with my current company in the Atlanta office. From there I just spiraled out of emotional control. It hurt so much knowing my life and the decisions to better myself and my daughters life are not up to me anymore. I felt like such a failure and like giving up my fight. I mean whats the point. Why try when he can get angry and stop anything positive I'm trying to do. I thought about all I want to give Jade and came to terms with my reality. I thought about her living in a HOUSE as opposed to a 1 bedroom APARTMENT. I thought about how I could get my bills under control and pay off student loans by moving. My emotions were all over the place and I cried for hours at my desk.

I felt like life had been sucked out of me and I was even more angry with myself for giving him more of my energy and tears. I promised myself that 2010 was about MY happiness for once and I would no longer let him and his actions get the best of me, so why was I sitting here crying my eyes out and feeling so helpless.

Today was a rough day in the life of a single mom. I write this to you guys not for you to pass judgement on the things going on in my personal life, not for you to decide whether or not I should move with Jade, but to show you that we all have rough days and its OK to do so. Its OK to cry and feel bad as long as you lift your head and keep moving. Our babies need us to push and fight and make things better for them.

So today's post is for all the single moms who struggle to make it happen everyday! Things will get better only if we try!

Please feel free to write your comments, struggles, and insecurities as a mom, we are all in this together!

It's MommE-Talk!