Me, You, Or Both of Us

Hi Everyone,

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving, I know I did. I enjoyed it so much I neglected to post to the blog. My apologies.

In the spirit of the holidays I wanted to post about sharing your child on those important days. For the past 2 years I have let Jade go with her dad's family for half the day but this year I must admit I was rather selfish and kept my daughter on Turkey Day. I loved watching her with her grandparents, great grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. We had a blast. Dancing, singing, eating, drinking, it was one for the record books!

As I mentioned in one of my other entries I am going through a custody battle with Jades dad. Visitation is a huge issue. I feel that since I have her most of the time, and do the most for her why is it that when the good times come around I have to share her. When I need your help when she is sick, or if I have errands to run your never around, if I want to go on vacation you wont keep her if its not your "regularly scheduled days" so why now that the holidays are here should I let her go with you and split my days? My family is my rock and help me regularly, from babysitting to clothing to food to potty training I have had their support and I feel they deserve to spend this time with her too. But your family gets to see her in her nice outfits and smile and pretend everything is great on these days!

Is this a selfish feeling, is it just anger, or do I have a valid point? I don't want Jade to grow up angry with me for keeping her away from her family but why do I have to suffer through my anger and smile like everything is fine when it really isn't.

So MommE's, AuntE's, DaddE's, and all others whats your thoughts on the holiday share.


Talk to me!

Its MommE-Talk!!

Thank YOU!

Today I woke up saying I was going to post my feelings on my custody battle. I wanted to vent about my pain and anger, my confusion and hurt. I woke up convinced that this would be the day I wrote exactly how I felt about what is going on in my life but I have changed my mind. Instead, I'm saying thank you!

I arrived at work and realized I have so much more to write about, live for and be happy about. Today I realized I have an amazing team around me. My family and friends are the best and I don't want to replace them for the world.

Its been a tough 2 years of me having to rely on the help and patience of others. Borrow $20 here, babysit there, I mean to be honest there was a point where my daughter spent more time with my mom and sis then with me but I've made it through. And now its my time to say thank you! Thank you to my wonderful family and friends who have dealt with my depression, anger, attitudes, and personality changes! Thank you to my family who has stepped in to watch Jade when I had no one else to turn. Thank you to my friends who have taken Jade on vacation so I don't have to pay a sitter, thank you godparents who have been truly that, Parents sent to me from God, because with out your help and support I would be lost.

Today is the day that I stop and smell the roses because the glass truly is half full and I will be OK. So to all my friends and family who have been my rock during this chapter in my life THANK YOU!


So to all my readers who are single moms and have a true support system today is the day you should stop and say THANK YOU just like I am!

It's MommE-Talk!

Home Again

It's Saturday night and I'm home watching DVDs, while Jade drives me crazy. I'm 28 and home again on a Saturday night uggggh! I'm bored and upset and for what? This is the life I chose! I wonder what other people my age are doing? I check my phone and I have texts and missed calls, messages about dates and bowling, a girls night out maybe? But instead my night will consist of Dora and Diego, Backyardigans, and tantrums. Jade is so tired that she was falling asleep as she ate her pizza but screamed for 20 minutes when i tried to take it away.

This cant be my life!!! I used to be out and about all the time Never a dull moment and now it feels like most moments are dull. Don't get me wrong I love being Jade's mom. She is the best kid in the world. I mean what mom cant love a kid who sings Beyonce with you and watches Dreamgirls? Who wouldn't love a bubbly 2-year old who cracks jokes and says aoooow mommy you look pretty when I'm about to hit the town? But on this night all I can think of is where would I be IF? And I wonder where is he? How much fun is he having? Is he out enjoying himself or does he even wonder what Jade is doing?

I don't want to complain because Jade is my responsibility and I must admit I have a great support system, but I guess at times I do get upset that I cant get up and go when I want. Is that my selfishness kicking in or is that a normal feeling that mothers both single and married deal with?

Well Jade is trying to stand on a ball so I'm off to protect her or discipline her LOL! Another night as SUPER MOMMY!!!

Talk to me people, tell me your thoughts!


It's MommE-Talk!

Dating

After over 2 years of being single, I decided recently to get back in the game. I will admit this has been the most fun yet scariest time of my life. I am so not a dater. In the past it seemed like as soon as I met someone or was introduced to someone it would turn into a relationship so this dating thing is new to me. I find myself asking my childless friends what the hell am I doing? Why do you enjoy this? What am I supposed to do? UGH frustration!

Lately I feel overwhelmed with work, my daughter and me having a life. I question will I ever find my prince charming, will I learn how to balance this new life of mine, will I date forever? There are times when I just feel like I should be single forever and just concentrate on my daughter.


Then I have to deal with asking people to babysit and feeling as though I am being selfish. Is it fair to have other people take care of Jade while I go out and have fun? Is it fair for Jade to not be in her house with her toys while mommy meets and mingles? How do you deal with your two-year old calling you and telling you she misses you while you sit across from a dude you met a week ago? How do you explain to your family that you just want to feel normal again? Better yet will I ever really be normal?

This summer I was introduced to the world of confusion. I have met many different guys including a southern playa, a geeky media guy, a stripper, and a paralegal. I have had trips to Miami, Dates to sushi restaurants and texts that I would rather not discuss...But now what?

After many conversations with many people, from my mom to my friends I have decided its OK to date. It is time for me to learn more about me, Sakinah not me the mommy! It's OK to date geeks, and corny people, hustlers and strippers who dance to its raining men LOL. Its OK to be "normal!"

This has been one of the most eye-opening years for me and I look forward to finally settling down and having a family. Until then I say DATE and Have some fun! Single moms WE DESERVE IT!!!

So what do you think???

Its MommE-Talk

Welcome to MommE-Talk

Hello and welcome to MommE-Talk! My name is Sakinah and I started this blog as an outlet to vent, discuss, and hear from young women of color who are Single Career Oriented Mothers.



Let me tell you about me: Like I said my name is Sakinah and I am 28 years old. I am a single mother of a two-year old girl, Jade Mackenzie. Jade is the light of my life. She keeps me laughing and is the drive I need to do better. But I must admit the past two years of my life have been the hardest of my life, Career, Parenting, Getting over past hurt it, I feel like I've lived a full life in just 2 short years.



This blog will be a way for me to share my experiences with young woman like myself and I'm sure it will help me grow into the career woman and mother I want to be.



So please come back and check me out!



Its MommE-Talk!