Where Do You Cry?

They say tears are a way for you to clear out emotion to see more clearly so why is it that things seem more blurry then ever.

While I know life is a journey with many hills and valleys, twists and turns I wonder when this girl will hit a patch of clear smooth road.  I took a chance and uprooted my daughter from the comforts of family and friends to a place where we knew few.  I felt it would be the best thing for us as a family.  So on the one hand things for Jade are much better, she will be attending a private school on almost a full scholarship, and she will be able to join a great dance company at an affordable price.  But for me things haven't been great at all I have lost my job, realized that the relationship I had with my father was not at all reality and am struggling to make it in a way I never thought possible all while still smiling so that Jade never has a clue of what is going on.

Yes I know what most people will say: "Things will get better!" "Take it one day at a time!" oh and I can't forget "God has a plan for you!" And yes the reasonable side of my brain, the side where my faith is compartmentalized, where my love for friends and family lie, the side where I understand I am in this journey for the long hall, the smarter me understands all of this. But there is still the side of me that just wants to cry.  I want to cry until I cant cry anymore.  I want the ugly cry where your body goes into convulsions and you cant make sounds.  I want to cry myself to sleep, a sleep so good I don't think about any of my struggles.  But where can I cry?

At first I cried in my bed at night but that proved unsuccessful when Jade would pop up in my bed with me.  I then tried going on rides alone and crying but that wasn't a good idea either.  So now I take showers and cry my eyes out.  I figure if Jade does walk in she will think the water on my face is just from the shower and I will still be the super strong woman she knows me to be.

So single MommE's and DaddE's where do you cry?