Happy Sunday and Happy Fathers day to all the DaddE's and Single MommE's reading this post.
Every year for Fathers day many people, both men and women, speak on the subject of dead beats, the past two years I have begun to see posts of people who are upset at the bashing. These people feel that its inappropriate and that it shouldn't be acknowledged on this day. So I ask this: Do you same people step up and speak to your friends, brother, cousins, uncles, fraternity brothers etc and express your discontent with them not handling their business? Are you as vocal with them about not calling their sons and daughters, about missing graduations, about not giving financial support to their children all throughout the year? Do you sit them down and explain that their children need them, they need to hear from them, they need to see them and not just on holidays when its time for some sort of pat on the back but all year round? Do you put up Facebook stats yelling at them for being dirtbags when you know that they are doing nothing to help fix the problem of single parenting in our communities? Or do you just ignore all you know because its not your problem and you don't want to get involved? Do you sit quietly and watch the mother struggle and the child cry when dad doesn't show up or call back?
In the mist of writing this post I spoke to my cousin, a father who goes above and beyond for his children and expressed my concerns. His response is he just wishes that single fathers got the same reaction on mothers day. And while i agree whole heartedly I wonder how many people know as many single fathers as they know single mothers? And why are the single mothers blamed for their choice in the man they had a child with while single fathers are praised for stepping up to the plate and doing what women do all the time?
At the end of the day this year I put my feelings for loser men to the side and instead of posting bashing status' and tweets I decided to post this blog instead. What are your thoughts on the subject MommE's and DaddE's...To bash or not to bash?
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I'm happy to say that I don't know any deadbeat dads...at least not openly deadbeats. The men I know at least appear to play active roles in the lives of their children. It does make me hot under the collar to see the "Happy Father's day to all the REAL dads" posts on FB. I get it and empathize with the single moms that have to deal with the scum. Having said that, I do also know single dads - because the mom is a do nothing! I have NEVER seen a "Happy Mother's Day to all the REAL moms" post but we know they exist even if you don't know any personally. I suppose my point is even if you don't personally know any good dads, they do exist and should have their shine separate from recognition of them by way of calling out the deadbeats. There are 364 other days (365 in a leap year) to call out the "do nothing" dads...let FATHERS have their day.
ReplyDeleteLet me 1st thank you for not bashing dead beat dads on fathers day. Let me say next that like the above comment, I don't know any dead beat fathers! I am a 30 y/o male that knows many fathers and yes they all are decent dads. decent because we are not perfect, but they are there and do care for their kids just as much as the mothers I know. I myself have 3 kids of which 2 came before I got married and they both have different mothers. Was this my intention? NO, but neither did I back down. 9 years later I have custody of both my kids and do my part! Is there an above and beyond, in my opinion I am simply doing what I should as a man and as a father. And yes, if I knew some fathers that were slacking, I would let them know. Bashing does no good! As a matter of fact I feel that It causes more harm than good. Think about the son that hears mommy refer to daddy as being a dead beat all the time! Hearing his father being degraded and insulted all day long! Now imagine this same son going out into the world and hearing this from everyone else as well. Now imagine this son dating your daughter! See being a dead beat is the norm, so why should he strive to be anything greater?! No different that our youth constantly being reminded of our plight being Black! While I understand facing the problem, I don't hear enough praises of the Black Dads out there that are handling their business. Why does it have to be all bad? And while I can't say that there are more single fathers than mothers, I can say that I know more dads holding it down than mothers!And I stress that I know. Should women be blamed for choosing these caliper of men? I don't know. I blame myself for choosing the caliper of women that I chose. For no other reason than knowing better! See these were not my "Idea" type of women. They were however "available". So I did the deed! I can't now blame them and put them down, I knew better in the first place. I have suffered the consequences and thank God that I have my children! I have seen women all the time opt out for the Mr. No Good, the complain that hes no good. Mr.Bad Ass, I respect no one not even my mother! He looked better than the nerd in the corner of the class or the fact that he was bad was exciting to her. But this is no different than the dads that choose these same type of women. She had a nice ass and knew how to work it! Forget who she is on the inside. Fathers day is for Fathers! Not SINGLE MOTHERS! I do myself get tired of seeing "to the real dads". What does that mean? Why can't I just have my day. Maybe I'm working really hard to tear down these stereo and sociotypes, why do I have to be insulted at the same time? This is coming from a son that was raised by a single mother. A mother that reminded her son every day that, "Niggas ain't shit!" For a second I thought I was one of those "Niggas"!
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