The Bashing of deadbeats on Fathers Day...

Happy Sunday and Happy Fathers day to all the DaddE's and Single MommE's reading this post.

Every year for Fathers day many people, both men and women, speak on the subject of dead beats, the past two years I have begun to see posts of people who are upset at the bashing.  These people feel that its inappropriate and that it shouldn't be acknowledged on this day.  So I ask this:  Do you same people step up and speak to your friends, brother, cousins, uncles, fraternity brothers etc and express your discontent with them not handling their business? Are you as vocal with them about not calling their sons and daughters, about missing graduations, about not giving financial support to their children all throughout the year?  Do you sit them down and explain that their children need them, they need to hear from them, they need to see them and not just on holidays when its time for some sort of pat on the back but all year round?  Do you put up Facebook stats yelling at them for being dirtbags when you know that they are doing nothing to help fix the problem of single parenting in our communities? Or do you just ignore all you know because its not your problem and you don't want to get involved?  Do you sit quietly and watch the mother struggle and the child cry when dad doesn't show up or call back?

In the mist of writing this post I spoke to my cousin, a father who goes above and beyond for his children and expressed my concerns. His response is he just wishes that single fathers got the same reaction on mothers day.  And while i agree whole heartedly I wonder how many people know as many single fathers as they know single mothers?  And why are the single mothers blamed for their choice in the man they had a child with while single fathers are praised for stepping up to the plate and doing what women do all the time?

At the end of the day this year I put my feelings for loser men to the side and instead of posting bashing status' and tweets I decided to post this blog instead.  What are your thoughts on the subject MommE's and DaddE's...To bash or not to bash?

Where Do You Cry?

They say tears are a way for you to clear out emotion to see more clearly so why is it that things seem more blurry then ever.

While I know life is a journey with many hills and valleys, twists and turns I wonder when this girl will hit a patch of clear smooth road.  I took a chance and uprooted my daughter from the comforts of family and friends to a place where we knew few.  I felt it would be the best thing for us as a family.  So on the one hand things for Jade are much better, she will be attending a private school on almost a full scholarship, and she will be able to join a great dance company at an affordable price.  But for me things haven't been great at all I have lost my job, realized that the relationship I had with my father was not at all reality and am struggling to make it in a way I never thought possible all while still smiling so that Jade never has a clue of what is going on.

Yes I know what most people will say: "Things will get better!" "Take it one day at a time!" oh and I can't forget "God has a plan for you!" And yes the reasonable side of my brain, the side where my faith is compartmentalized, where my love for friends and family lie, the side where I understand I am in this journey for the long hall, the smarter me understands all of this. But there is still the side of me that just wants to cry.  I want to cry until I cant cry anymore.  I want the ugly cry where your body goes into convulsions and you cant make sounds.  I want to cry myself to sleep, a sleep so good I don't think about any of my struggles.  But where can I cry?

At first I cried in my bed at night but that proved unsuccessful when Jade would pop up in my bed with me.  I then tried going on rides alone and crying but that wasn't a good idea either.  So now I take showers and cry my eyes out.  I figure if Jade does walk in she will think the water on my face is just from the shower and I will still be the super strong woman she knows me to be.

So single MommE's and DaddE's where do you cry?